How to combat gym intimidation

Wednesday, 19 September 2018

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Gym intimidation is like hay fever. You are going good in life and then you try the gym out only to get stung by past and present anxieties and fears. You suffer this flare-up that occurs once you enter the gym and blocks you from living life fully thanks to all the symptoms of your anxieties. You can not ease that with a 24 hour anti-histamine. 

Now, I haven't conquered gym intimidation. 
Sometimes, I have those days. Yet, on these days I still complete what I came into the gym to do. 
Thus, I am fully qualified to be a gym guru. On this one topic.

So here are a few ways you could combat your gym intimidation.


#1 Figure out why your in the gym? What are your personal fitness goals?


Is the gym for you? Are you following a trend? Was it a doctors order?

It may seem the most convenient place to get your daily exercise, long opening hours, all weather and all year access. However, the gym and the exercises one can do inside are not the only forms of exercise in this world. Many of them can be carried out at home or outside. Or you could take up team sports, swimming, rowing, walking, dancing climbing, golfing and more. 
There are multitudes of activities you could participate in to stay active, individually or team wise. 

My mum's favourite form of exercise is walking and its great for her, obviously some seasons are better than others but its her thing. When I say she can walk, she can walk. The woman will walk miles and whilst moments she has to endure she also enjoys it.

It can really help to decrease the pressure of being in an unfamiliar environment if you are there for yourself doing something that whilst making you sweat and look like a hot mess, also gets your adrenaline up. It would help to enjoy and endure the activity rather than it being exercise you dread and fail to endure.

So if the gym is something you think or know you may enjoy. What would you like out of it, strength, cardio, group exercise? How do you want to be shaped in four months? On most gym forms I have seen the recurring question is "what is your personal goal". In the beginning I wrote "to tone and be lean". Thoughtless answer because I didn't know. I probably just wanted to look like Gymshark sponsored me. 

Since I have made the conscious effort to think about my personal goals, it has helped me maintain a healthy self body image and realistic expectations. I am not in there to kill myself under weights I can not lift. I am there to maintain a healthy lifestyle so I am that 85 year old who walks unaided and runs two kilometres once every week. 

Make a conscious effort to make some goals short or long term. Even if its to just have a try and have some fun. Now why you are in there. If you are in there losing weight, gaining muscle whatever you may be. Be aware you will see body shapes and sizes galore. If your vulnerable and not there for your growth you endanger yourself from self comparison and the like. 

Be there for you! 





#2 Get acquainted with the environment and equipment


Hug the treadmill. Sing to the dumb-bells. If that will help you with any fears of the unfamiliar equipment.

Better yet find a gym buddy or friend who has some experience with the equipment to accompany you one time or perhaps more to teach and assist you. This is the zero dollars option, the free option. 
As is the option to ask gym staff. 
But I understand how for some this option may not work at times, especially if you require more one on one time to grasp the coordination of equipment or you would like someone to correct your form if perhaps your embarrassed or fear hurting yourself. Then again the staff maybe be in rotation and needed for assistance by others so its not beneficial for you to wait ten minutes to get them as they float around. 

This option is for those who are willing to spend or "invest" some money.
I suggest looking into the programs your gym offers. Mine offered a gym appraisal every couple of months, which involves an hour with a trainer who weighs and measures you, takes your blood pressure, asks some questions about your health and personal goals. In that time they develop a program specifically for you. In these sessions I was shown how to use all the equipment in the workout program which after two of these and two new programs was most of the equipment in the gym. 
It was demonstrated and I was given an attempt or several. If with weights I was shown how to perform the exercise and change the weights. This was great because I had this expert with their attention fully on me, which whilst daunting and I felt vulnerable. I had some peace in finally been shown how things worked, being told how my form was even being pushed just for an hour.

If your gym offers anything similar I would recommend you jump on it.
If not find a friend who can be a gym buddy even if they are also in unfamiliar surroundings, you may be able to feed off each other, bounce back from any mishaps of failures together and ask staff for the both of you.



#3 SMILE


I once forgot to place my towel before sitting down for a second and remembering. Just long enough to place a large sweat mark on the seat. I sat covering this stain with my towel for ten minutes, embarrassing, really embarrassing. 

If your antsy about the people around you who are so focused on their own thing. Smile.
Invite more positivity by smiling. The reaction you get is usually a smile back and once you get that smile back your fighting those thoughts that all these gym fanatics are not human or their judging your every move. 

Smile these people are as human as you are and just because they show and up and go for it in the gym most days does not mean they are all one person or having it easy and good outside. Smile and show some support. You'll get some back.



#4 Find your gym buddy


I still get irrationally intimidated when I see groups of people in the gym who know each other. How are four adults so well organised and in synch to be in the same place at the same time two days in a row?
I personally still don't have a gym buddy per say, we started going together after I developed much of my confidence but the few times we have been in are so different from days I go alone. 
It does depend on the person but there is another source of moral support and if a mishap does happen there is someone to laugh with you. If your going in with someone and both of you are hoping to get a good sweat and have a good time, it becomes more than just daily physical exercise or a day on the program its also social. Social exercise is a thing?

As their attention is with you and yours with them, you can spend less time worrying about the other people in the gym as you get along in your workout. There is also the benefit in sharing workouts, drafting them together and teaching one another exercises. Whether your workouts will be strict or may include changes as you just enjoy exercising with good company, even if its for a few sessions or once a week haul a buddy in. 
It can really help to have those first few failures with someone who can help lighten the situation.





#5 Ask the gym staff for help


If you smile at them they usually smile back. If you say hi they respond to. 
It may be because they are paid to but generally their nice friendly people. They don't just have conversations or help people who have come to this one gym for the past two years. 
If you need help with form or need to ask if equipment that you just tried to adjust is broken. They know this place and its their job to be of assistance. 
If your worried about how lost you will look asking for help for the third time in one hour, honey I did it more than that. 
Think about your health and safety and brave it, perhaps if you are alone that communication can help ease your nerves. 




#6 Google or youtube it


When I get overwhelmed by my form but don't feel like asking anyone, I station myself in front of the mirror and watch a youtube video then copy.
If I forget how to perform some exercises I google or youtube. 
There are millions of videos and articles out there on how to correct your posture for a variety of exercises. 
A lot of people do this, some people I have seen on the floor are watching and following full workout videos. 
If you just need that reminder or want to try something new have a good search, follow and listen along. It could help you as you establish your own confidence in your skill.




#7 Go to the gym when its quiet or deserted 


I went solo to the gym many times and didn't complete or enjoy workouts wholly because my anxiety overwhelmed me. 
Going in quiet times is great for gaining experience and control in exercises and use of equipment in a comfortable setting. 
I generally found early mornings were the most quiet so a couple of days I woke up at 5.30 am for the 6 am sweat out. It also boosted my morale for the day as I started off purposeful and determined. 
It was easy to get in my zone with so few people around to spark worries and I had this excitement to try new things with most of the gym fanatics not in their usual areas. 

Of course there may be other times your in the gym and its peak hours. However, if you have grown accustomed to knowing your way in this environment there is no need for you to run out. You know what your doing, your form has been improving, the only difference being the number of people around. They are are not your audience they are there to get their daily endorphin hit too. So pay them no mind. You have gone through this workout before just do it again, you know how to hold your own here.
Get your own endorphins for the day. 






#8 Show up and work out


It will take some pounds of drive, determination, discipline, consistency and commitment. But if your never showing up to the gym in the first place your not going to crush or keep those niggling anxieties away. They can thrive as you stay away so take a stand and have a work out. If you survive and thrive of that endorphin high afterwards your really shutting down those fears. They may still be in the back burrowing somewhere but your showing up and showing yourself that they are baseless fears you are fine you are just as capable as anyone of getting your sweat on and feeling your best. 








I struggled for five months to find the courage and confidence to be in the gym. I was stupefied at how many of the anxieties and fears I had spent overcoming in so many areas of my life were now alive and raging every time I stepped inside and soon began to follow me out. 

That strong self love and respect of my own body. Don't know where it went every time I was supposed to be exercising but really not as I scanned the room of people who belonged to this scene with these great looking bodies.
Even stretching my hamstrings, something I had done hundreds of times at home, school and in sports clubs around others, now a stretch I could possibly be completing incorrectly for a room of "experts" to view and silently judge.

We worked too damn hard to fight anxiety and we still don't have time for it!
Your not alone if you do get intimidated once you step into the gym. You are also more than capable of going in there and getting your endorphins and fuel for the day. You can develop the confidence to go in and work for that body of yours. 
If the gym is your scene, don't let that intimidation by the environment and inexperience dismay you. 

I hope your empowered to take on your personal fitness goals and live them. I hope that combating or overcoming those anxieties and fears will allow you to be consistent and show up to make those goals a reality. 


bear with  xx





Photo credit to Sidhee Boodia, what are friends for really? Thank you so much for accompanying me and from the beginning empowering me to produce this post and even run on the treadmill and overcome that last equipment fear. I had to overcome a lot to write and take those photos. I am grateful for this woman's support throughout.  
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The unspoken benefits of being a single pringle

Wednesday, 5 September 2018

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*Quick disclaimer: This post is not sponsored by Pringles nor does it reflect their views.

Being single isn't an issue but somehow it presses itself as one and the more it presses, the more we seek to change our status.
Seeing the growing number of friends ambling away hand in hand, the #couplegoals highlighted on social media or the old couple sitting cosy in the cafe can influence an urgency in our hearts to get in on the happiness from a non-platonic relationship.

I used to have reservations about wholly embracing being single. Since I have been single for awhile and know how to have a good time either way.

Here are a couple of unspoken benefits of being a single pringle.


#1 You don't have to stress about farting in front of your girlfriend or boyfriend

We really shouldn't stress about this. Or the billion other things we stress over often when we like someone. Fortunately, being single as of now the only damage we can do is to a crush. Even then we save ourselves time since all of this is a right of passage of getting to know someone on a whole new level...




#2 You have a chance to open your emotional "baggage"

When I was around sixteen years of age, I didn't see how beautiful I was.
I couldn't wait to have a boyfriend, I wanted someone other than family or a friend to tell me I was beautiful.
I know now the young insecure me was seeking validation.
Since I was sixteen I have grown from seeking validation and have come to a great standing of self-acceptance and greater love of myself. When I see how my self-respect and self worth have also grown alongside I have no regrets about riding solo whilst growing as myself.

Everyone's situations and experiences are different. People have a host of internal warfare raging within them, histories of abuse and hurt their running away from.
If you don't open up your emotional "baggage".
You are likely to bring in that hurt and possibly inflict it on your relationship.

You don't have to have everything sorted before finally accepting that coffee date. However, you must open yourself to healing and growing. That hurt you experienced in the past may lead you to act or think differently when it comes to relationships or life. You may need to communicate this to those you love so they can learn to understand and aid you if that is what you need.



#3 Standards may improve

If your spending time single and you get to watch on the sidelines how other ships sail. You become the lighthouse keeper and a little more perceptive of relationship does and don'ts. You may learn from others experiences.

If your family and friends often ring you up for coffee, brunch or dinner Friday night. Then proceed to buy you the coffee, your drinks or dessert. This to anyone is a kind gesture, especially when nothing has been done to deserve it.
For single people, some view these gestures and realise how they were void from their last relationship or how this is what their worth and nothing less.
"She never called me or initiated dates!"
"He never saved a seat for me when we met with friends".

Are my standards higher now, the longer I have been single?
YES. I am an understanding person, but if my dear friends who is busy with work, university and their other relationships regularly will make the time to message me weekly or call at times. Or my dad who calls home every night despite working away.
If I take heed from this then I am not taking anything less or giving anyone less than such.



#4 One less commitment

This does sound awful reading out aloud.
However, many people, including myself, do not understand the time and effort that must be sown into relationships. Until such a time we are in a committed relationship and are faced with doing so.

Being single doesn't mean you have no commitments but you don't have to think about settling down or how your goal of working overseas may strain the relationship. You may think about how your parents may be devastated and you yourself as they will be so far away.
Yet, you are also aware that your travels could lead you anywhere and into the arms or heart of anyone.
Romance in the Swiss Alps anyone?



#5 You can still go on a lot of "dates"

My personal favourite. If your single and spending too much time on your own, the need to be showered with TLC and spend some quality time with others is often real and felt.
Because you have not limited yourself to one person to share the good times with, you open your time and lunch to friends, family, uni mates and work colleagues.

I myself have been on many "dates". These were dear adventures or intimate catch-ups with friends. And often there are the fancy "dates" where you dress up more than the usual and let your hair loose for the night.
I value these as they really have improved my standards.



#6 You get time to figure out you and pave your own path

There are some people who need the time to just do themselves. You get to figure out your identity, enjoy exploring it and exploring the opportunities in your career and culture. And for us who don't know what we are doing in life.
You can truly embrace not planning every other choice in your life around someone else. The choices you make are for your life. There is a great freedom to question and take on all doors whilst searching for our purpose.

Hopefully, we deter ourselves from entering relationships confused and embarrassed over our identity. As we took the time to attain self-acceptance and develop or self-esteem.




Before you wish off your single days in haste. Embrace that life will keep moving whether you are single or not. Thus you can live well, single or not.
Don't pause life or wait to live until the day you have someone to call "bae".
Take time whilst your a single-pringle to still live the good life.




bear with  my single pringles xx




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6 things that you should embrace as you age

Sunday, 12 August 2018

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At the age of 14 as my friends all turned 15, I taunted them for being half-way to 30. My attitudes to age, as a 14 year old were fearful and negative. Since then I have grown from a naive and frightened young teenager, I am not afraid of aging, having been taught it is not a determinant for what someone can achieve, neither is it a guarantee of where we should be.

With each extra candle and decade of life we enter there is a shift in our postivity and acceptance of the inevitable and gradually the social stigma over aging is shifting directions.

As it does and we accept age as a number, here are 6 things we must come to embrace with each new season:

 1. Yourself 

Embracing yourself through all seasons of your life and loving yourself internally and externally is paramount. A deep self love (not to be mistaken with vanity) can build your confidence, self worth and respect. With respect for yourself, you shake of the shackles of validation and leave yourself free to invest in good and healthy relationships. Your more aware of how your life is better without that toxic relationship or person.

Also, it could be difficult to love what the years add on, whether it be the aftermath of puberty or the signs of the times. Loving the body that is yours for life bodes you well, encourages you to make the small changes which can play a big role in sustaining or regaining our health. This is your body, your home.

2. Your current point in life

Amandla Stenberg, a popular young actress and I are the same age, 19. Now I may or may not strive for an occupation similar to Amandla Stenberg's.
She was the first 19 year old famous person I saw on my google search.
For examples sake, I'm an aspiring actress and model, and have a great Instagram swoop and internet swat of Amandla's recent activity, and hurl myself into a deep frustration over her progress and achievements despite being the same age.
Say, I if you have ever tangled yourself in the web of social comparison?

In the past I have found it so easy to compare where I am now to where others are, irrespective of age. It is unfortunate that the toxic and destructive outcomes of social comparison can often outweigh the reflective benefits.
What a path to irrational self sabotage. Proceeding to taunt yourself on your "lack off", of whilst disregarding our difference in circumstances, skills, dreams, opportunities and personality. We may be the same age, we could share similar goals or morals but we are not one and the same.

Embrace where you are in life, irrespective of where others your age are or where a person you admire was at that age. The number is the same but your points and lives are different. There is no shame. The more shame and dissatisfaction you entertain and validate, the more self-esteem you demolish and the farther you distance yourself from your path. Step into "your season" and seize every morning and night.










3. How you journey

Just as we can stress over where people were at versus us, at a  particular age. We struggle as we compare ourselves, to acknowledge the difference in circumstances. We are never privy to all the details, disruptions and disappointments those we compare to struggled with. Yet, we can still envy their beginning, middle and end.
We can garner inspiration and influence to push us through tough moments without dismissing these tough trials that are a part of our lives.

Respect your journey and how it is different to others, it can shape you for the better, it will hold lessons and experiences for you at the right times, it may not be easy but its willed to deliver you to great destinations.

4. Who you journey with or without

I loved the social media declaration,
"no more toxic friendships in 2018,
no more toxic relationships in 2018
and no more toxic thoughts in 2018"

However, it is not just in 2018 that we declare "NO" to toxicity. There is a maturity as we grow that enables us to reflect and heal as the people who are closest to us come and go or some relationships have to take less importance for the better of everyone.
The people around me are some of the best parts of my life, who I have shared and hope to share more of the best parts of my life with. There are also people who once were with me in some of my best parts but the true nature of our relationship led us to drift. 
Its not to say I have severed ties with people but I have matured to be aware of the relationships I am in. I strive for the good and healthy over many. My time is invested better and my closest relationships are my strongest, I have just as much freedom to make new friendships and still remain content because I have my own dear best friends and new friendships are not for becoming everyone's best friend. They are precious encounters that can be temporary but I am grateful for their existence.

With each season do not fear as you journey on with those who truly care and wish to be a part of your life. Enjoy your time with them and never go to bed angry at one another.

5.The MESS-AGES

Growth and learning are united at times. Often learning comes hand in hand with having made a mistake or a mess. I have never been fond of this, especially as a child when there would be a rebuke or a lecture. I may look innocent but I wasn't an angel.
To this day this is what I struggle to embrace in life most, the occurrence of mistakes. The messes I make along the way of which I have to live through the consequences as well as learning the lesson. Why does learning the lesson often include experiencing the consequences.

Why?
I have no answer.

However, I have grown to recognise the messages in the mistakes or messes I must learn from. Whilst some situations are unfortunate through growth I have not come to regret any of those decisions, some of them being my first opportunity to make such decisions.
Granted the times are not always the pleasant but we do ourselves a service to learn from the experience. Even if we never understand or its decades down before we do, the message.


 6. Your age as a number

As the cliche goes, "age is just a number". So embrace it as one. Leave the assumptions of where you should be, what you should have achieved and who you should or shouldn't have found at the age you are. Leave it at the door and be on with your life journey. Resist limitations and refuse the restrictions to fully enjoy the twist and turns of your life adventure. Of course the changes we experience as we biologically age can have their affect but to what extent on the quality of our life. Keep jiving on till your knees can not support your hip twisting and nay-naying, don't stop because some silly geese deem you out of the loop or old.
















I declare we should embrace life continuously. It is not perfect for anyone. However, there is joy to be had. With or without understanding our purpose we should still allow the desires of our hearts to be pursued.
We should embrace our lives and live them with no fear of the number of years we have walked on this earth already or have left to do so. We should take it as a blessing to hope for more and when delivered a new morning, be it cold or cloudy, we should be grateful for the new dawn.

There really is no fear to be had. The fear is behind what will happen if we don't. So lets seize this minute and the next to live the "good life".




bear with xx


Edit: 20/09/2018

A huge thank you to Kate Monaghan for being my photographer and making sense of my impossible vision. Thank you beautiful. 
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no holding back

Sunday, 13 May 2018

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Having had the opportunity to befriend new people this year, I have found myself with more good friends and we have had the time to add one another on Instagram.
I have always known anyone could view my public profile.
However, there is something different about a stranger viewing it vs your friend who you have seen at some point.
Especially a new friend yet to know you more.

I did once overcome those suffocating anxieties that once shaped and held me back.
I became aware once again, I was using the platform to impress, establish and keep an impression with those I was befriending. Its understandable, people are their own personal brands now.
Yet, I was caging many parts of myself.
Knowing who could be watching, I began to hide, take care and restrict myself.

I convinced myself at a point that I had to. What if my future employer was watching?
Yes, my future employer would care about the selfie I took when my hair was a mess 3 years ago? Really now?





Knowing I had overcome much already and there was always more I could overcome, I challenged myself to break out of the box I was constructing. On a Sunday night that I treated myself to a mud mask I subsequently posted a selfie on my Instagram story.
I felt empowered to take this step despite the all knowing truth that what prohibited me most,
God forbid anyone to be convinced I was anything but beautiful.

What I heard after making this post public for 24 hours seemed unfortunate but it was the continuance of growth. I had a friend advise me to take care with posting such selfies in regards to that particular mud mask selfie.
It tore me because every reason I never would post that selfie trumped every right reason I had to.
It embarrassed me. It crushed me that this came from a friend.
I stepped back though, despite my friend coming from a good place. Their words seemed off and I felt driven to pay little heed to them.

A week later my friend did come back to me with these words.
"Don't listen to him hunny, you are perfect the way you are!!"





Though anxieties are ongoing struggles for many.
This true account of an experience of mine is a superficial example of something much deeper.

What if we look at someone who loves to make people smile, but is hindered because it requires them to be real and different, humble and vulnerable. They fear rejection, disapproval and judgement. They fear it so much they could forgo their purpose.
This person is willing to forgo for peoples judgement.
Not for fair judgment, but human judgement.

They will forgo their dreams, their purpose.... their life.

They will trade their life, to appease someone else's life.

Now....
Our lives could be more peaceful, we wouldn't have to conceive the thoughts that we are being judged, we may have no rejection to fear, perhaps no questions and stares and we may never feel weird again.
Right. We might  not have to undergo any of that awkward, mentally straining, tear jerking pressure.
For we can forgo every beautiful hope in our future, to live dictated by what others will say.
Even if they never say it!

I put it to you though.

Is this why you breathe on this Earth?
To live out yours days forgoing every good thing in your life because of what man/woman say?





Each morning amidst all I forget to pray about. I do praise God for life. I wake up and declare my gratitude for the new day I am blessed to be alive in.
Knowing well that others have passed young and old.
Knowing that the education and opportunities I woke up to are those that some somber soul prays and labours for themselves or another.
I am practicing now to not have my life dictated by social stigma.
I can wholly accept and take heed of constructive criticisms, opinions and advice that are birthed from care and love.
Yet to those that come to construct walls in my path, I say begone cast your stones elsewhere!
I will sow my seeds, I will one day reap that harvest and your words that are not to build me will only fall on the ground and all they will have soiled is the sole of my sandals as I run my race.


The gift of life, the gifts you possess. Labour in your season and live to see the fruits. In your labour they may question, judge, wish you despair and failure.
However your triumphant season is on its way!
Do not be held back.
Run your course! Triumph!

Bear with sunshine,

Tari  xx


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Livin' on the Edge

Sunday, 4 March 2018

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If you are preparing to make a jump in your life. Possibly graduation, a new apprenticeship, Tafe course; university, new relationship or moving home. Whichever out of the many changes in life. You can't approach it while dangling your legs on the edge of a ledge. There are many things we can remain for awhile uncertain and undecided. However, who we are, what we believe, how we act and our truth. We mustn't be fence sitters on such. Though the decision to stand as we are may be frightful or dangerous depending on our situations. We must never live on edge of who we are and who we are not.

I have surprised myself on my own personal connections with people I've encountered during my university orientation and first week of classes. This girl got numbers...mobile numbers and names.
Yet, to say the past two weeks I have been in many conversations, in different groups, people from all walks of life. There is honestly a light from such connections. The good times and good vibes, thinking about them has me smiling to myself. Yet. The likelihood of finding yourself with people who think differently, have a truth unlike yours and actions also. This is a regular occurrence and a good one I have found.

A week ago I had a question asked that threw me off, "Tari do you not swear?". Truthfully, the person who asked wasn't one who I thought was paying much attention to me, any of the times we were in contact. Yet, the question would suggest otherwise.
Strangely I was proposed the same question again. Except this time someone I'd only just met 2 hours prior and who I assumed was paying no heed to me.
My response each time was neutral, initially as I was thrown off. I frankly didn't believe that either persons noticed I was in the room. Seems I was wrong.

I have not thought about changing my truth to fit in. Though the questions initially threw me off as did the thought that my stance on cussing would divide us. Spoiler alert, it hasn't.
This small experience is one of the few I have had since stepping into a larger world where people are on their walks, in their own truth.
In an effort to connect and being included in the connections forming I know there is a temptation to slip into a new skin. To conform to the rhythm in the moment.
And yet we can't live with such a lack of dignity. Never mind what others will perceive of us denying who we are. What about the self harm we cause when we act?
Won't we tire? Slipping from one skin and truth into another.




Its the cliche, "be who you are". It is a good truth and wisdom. Especially, when we face all the colours in this world. The different people, their actions, speech and truth. We can be be intimidated, trying to connect, befriend and include. Despite this, we don't aim for ourselves to wind up hurting in the dark ashamed of actions unlike us. Acting mighty when we have never been so high, pushing our limits when we have by far surpassed them.
For nothing, not even to save a love should we trade ourselves in. We must not be fence sitters, sat undecided, ashamed and hiding switching from left to right.

Whilst you and I are deliberating and grading our social interaction progress. They are watching listening. There is someone acknowledging and noticing us. Someone loving us.
Lets not worry about the words we aren't hearing.
Lets see the clear actions taking place.
Lets not drag our spirit's down.
We rise, we stand, we walk as we are.
Live on the edge, take risks and venture into your great calling. But do not live on the edge of your truth a place where you can easily slip and fall.

Bear With

Tari xx



As I never really replied to those that asked on my limited cussing.  It is my choice not to cuss, I do feel uncomfortable with the words rolling off my tongue. Hearing them is not an issue. Not to say they've never been dished out and often aren't thought of in my head or slipped out in some odd moments. I am only uncomfortable with them being rolled of my own tongue, so when I say them. I have no issues or prejudice against anyone who acts differently. As long as it is not in the form of verbal harassment of which I haven't found myself in such situations. Its a choice based on my faith and person. If you ever want to chat about it sure. Otherwise this girl isn't a judge, feel free to be who you are.
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The First Year: What if?

Monday, 19 February 2018

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I am writing this post in the hopes its posted Monday 19th February which is my first day of Orientation at Curtin. Its my positive reminder to not let these passing emotions sway me and weigh on me like an avalanche aftermath. And I will go into the week, step onto this next flight of stairs not with my anxieties leading. More of that positivity and good vibes. That good stuff you know.
Whilst I am striding in with this brighter perspective, I'e had a year or so of anxieties.
Some of which include:

Human Interaction

Meeting people for the first time and first impressions, are not my forte. Its an uphill battle right?
Well with sharing a "home" with complete strangers. That battle has more awkward attached to it.
I used to suppress in public toilets because I was so awkward about it. I have been growing comfortable that it is a natural human thing. I am at a stage where I've grown out from avoiding toilets when I am a guest in someones home.

4'9 ft

Need I elaborate? Some people are clumsy, I attribute a quarter of my clumsiness due to my height. Not my own bodged judgement.
Yet. What if? What if I sit in a lecture but there's a 6 ft girl in front? What if I over reach in the lab and knock over something expensive?
"What if's are presumptions, possibilities but not certain actualities."
            - tarisai
           


People

I am no longer afraid of humans. Hence why they appear twice on my anxieties.
I'll drop the sarcasm, I am not afraid of humans. I just find that as they are the possessors of eye rolls, human nature and tongues. The tongue being a mighty sword. I am knowledgeable of their good and bad. As of my own.
Starting university and also facing the next chapter of my life. I know I'll be coming in contact with more of you beautiful beings. Many more. Here is to empowering, joyous encounter!

What if?

I have not worried or feared this next flight of stairs. Yet anxieties such as this, Those that from exposing myself and stepping away from multiple comfort zones of mine. Have caught my breath and made me hold a beat.
There is much that has provided peace.
First up, Jesus has me. Knowing that I'm loved and I have the support of family and friends and access to such aid. Also, I've been drawing positivity from acknowledging a fact.
Note this one down sunshine. Its a FACT.

Somewhere in your past there was a change, possibly school, home, country, relationship, job. It could have been anything but its there in your history. Quite possibly these hesitations these butterflies that make you hold your breath, allow you to picture the ease of living in a sheltered room and never venturing out. Yet what occurred you moved forward along with the change. You transitioned from primary to big kids high school. You took on that first job. Maybe moved from one good one to another.

Its a fact that you have had those butterflies flying away. Yet you've gone on to make a good time of it all.
This fact is a source of my peace. I know I once faced these anxieties when we were headed to a new home down under and I was beginning a new high school in a new country and had no way of contacting the friends I'd left behind. I wasn't the most positive kid then. Despite this start, if I look where I stand today, with a new opportunity on the next flight of steps. The people I have by my side. People I was afraid of getting to know then.  Or the job I left missing the family I'd found a place in. Yet let it be known I felt incompetent and wanted to quit everything after 2 days.
If I look where I stand now, despite the past pacing, tossing and turning.
I'll be sending out prayers for peace on our troubled tums. Our doubting heads and worrisome hearts. May we have peace and know that just as those passed and we had our good times. we must never let them stop us from seizing.

Bear With
And may you never be held back by naught, including yourself from that bright future of yours.


Tari xx

Edit: When this post was published Tuesday 20th February instead because of Pacific Standard Time, well I can assure you I had one of the best first days. Truly blessed.

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Peek-A-Boo

Monday, 12 February 2018

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January 2017, whilst being just over a year ago now. It was my first encounter with the wicked monster, “Enrol Now”. Yet, I was fortunate enough to have the upper hand, I only had to click defer and he was swallowed whole…poof…evil be gone!

In 2017 I commenced my gap year and it did me some good. So much so that October 2017, when I had to open the door that the grisly, “Enrol Now”, had jumped out from 9 months prior I got a shock. This “monster” did not exist and the impossible tasks he wanted me to complete weren’t impossible. (Monsters Inc is replaying in my mind, the millennial Disney days)
Since then the process of preparing for my first days at university has included more monsters. Or at least the form is monstrously overwhelming.

Likewise the beginning of February, I received an email to plan my Orientation/freshers or “O-week” at Curtin. I shrieked, ignored it, made lunch then a text message from my friend pressed me to read the email. I found myself being overwhelmed with new information, choice, decisions, this path that path. I couldn’t handle hence I took a week break with the “boo’s” echoing in the background.
I see the trend clearly now, especially facing situations that I am new to. I peek and everything bellows “boo” then I close my eyes, turn and hightail it to my shell.  Sometime later, I open the door once more, walk a few steps and no monster in waiting, no “boo” after I peek. In fact, this time it’s me who says “boo” , as it should be.



The latest “peek-a-boo” moment I conquered was the Monday a week before my university orientation. I received a notification on my laptop, an email in regard to a course. I also heard a minor “boo” and continued baking banana muffins. Half an hour later, I sat down to complete my orientation timetable, which I had now overwhelmed. I had by now read the new email, which was asking me to book myself a time-slot for a 40-minute short essay, compulsory of course. Obviously, I hightailed it back to comfort zone. “Really? Me? Ready? Not Today”. However, I went back to that email on the same day. After completing my O-week timetable I found the site, I booked my time and jotted down the building number. I had done it!


Am I recommending that you should approach that which overwhelms you in a similar fashion? Muster up the courage to lift a pinkie and peek behind the door. If you see anything monster like, hear a snarl or even feel a presence that challenges you. Shut the door and stay where you are. Until a day when someone will open the door with you or you feel less overwhelmed.
Am I offering such advice? Should I?


I don’t believe so. I do want to pass on the encouragement I have received. I went from needing 9 months to open one door. To opening and walking through the door even after shrieking 2 hours before. Feeling overwhelmed, afraid, unsure is not comfortable nor does it settle already present anxieties. Sure, enough you possibly could name at least one person you know personally whose been through a similar circumstance. Yet, we can never compare our first time to his or hers. I may know that I can survive and do these things before me. But there are many other emotions that beg to differ.




I have done a lot of mental running and evading. There have been many new situations I’ve been thrust in. I’m grateful I haven’t been alone, I’ve had family and friends supporting me. Yet my struggle has been facing these “doors”, these new responsibilities, tasks, jobs, freedoms, decisions and being scared by what I must take on and complete. There are really no monsters just situations that seem to ask so much of us, require and need a certain type of person. They can be monstrously overwhelming. Granted especially when we are new to them. However, we can never fear them. Or believe we have not got what it takes to move forward and thrive.


Most times I’ve called it a day and walked away. But I have come back. I have been led to conquer. I have been shown that I do not need to melt in a boiling pot of stress and anxieties.
Despite initially being overwhelmed. I must say the past year I’ve grown to know that I can. I don’t back away because I can’t. I need to stop scaring myself. There is nothing to fear. No matter how loud the “boo”, you have nothing to fear. Even if it’s that unfamiliar I don’t need to stress, I can peek and walk further in.
“Cos I’ve got it in me and you do too.” Even if you hear the echoes and they scare you away, never believe the doubt and lie that you can’t. You can.


Life walks are different but a consistent is the shock of what we have never done. No one can prepare us for the mixed emotions taking steps forwards. Know that you’re not alone and you can.

Bear with

Tari xx






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