Monday, 19 February 2018

The First Year: What if?

I am writing this post in the hopes its posted Monday 19th February which is my first day of Orientation at Curtin. Its my positive reminder to not let these passing emotions sway me and weigh on me like an avalanche aftermath. And I will go into the week, step onto this next flight of stairs not with my anxieties leading. More of that positivity and good vibes. That good stuff you know.
Whilst I am striding in with this brighter perspective, I'e had a year or so of anxieties.
Some of which include:

Human Interaction

Meeting people for the first time and first impressions, are not my forte. Its an uphill battle right?
Well with sharing a "home" with complete strangers. That battle has more awkward attached to it.
I used to suppress in public toilets because I was so awkward about it. I have been growing comfortable that it is a natural human thing. I am at a stage where I've grown out from avoiding toilets when I am a guest in someones home.

4'9 ft

Need I elaborate? Some people are clumsy, I attribute a quarter of my clumsiness due to my height. Not my own bodged judgement.
Yet. What if? What if I sit in a lecture but there's a 6 ft girl in front? What if I over reach in the lab and knock over something expensive?
"What if's are presumptions, possibilities but not certain actualities."
            - tarisai


I am no longer afraid of humans. Hence why they appear twice on my anxieties.
I'll drop the sarcasm, I am not afraid of humans. I just find that as they are the possessors of eye rolls, human nature and tongues. The tongue being a mighty sword. I am knowledgeable of their good and bad. As of my own.
Starting university and also facing the next chapter of my life. I know I'll be coming in contact with more of you beautiful beings. Many more. Here is to empowering, joyous encounter!

What if?

I have not worried or feared this next flight of stairs. Yet anxieties such as this, Those that from exposing myself and stepping away from multiple comfort zones of mine. Have caught my breath and made me hold a beat.
There is much that has provided peace.
First up, Jesus has me. Knowing that I'm loved and I have the support of family and friends and access to such aid. Also, I've been drawing positivity from acknowledging a fact.
Note this one down sunshine. Its a FACT.

Somewhere in your past there was a change, possibly school, home, country, relationship, job. It could have been anything but its there in your history. Quite possibly these hesitations these butterflies that make you hold your breath, allow you to picture the ease of living in a sheltered room and never venturing out. Yet what occurred you moved forward along with the change. You transitioned from primary to big kids high school. You took on that first job. Maybe moved from one good one to another.

Its a fact that you have had those butterflies flying away. Yet you've gone on to make a good time of it all.
This fact is a source of my peace. I know I once faced these anxieties when we were headed to a new home down under and I was beginning a new high school in a new country and had no way of contacting the friends I'd left behind. I wasn't the most positive kid then. Despite this start, if I look where I stand today, with a new opportunity on the next flight of steps. The people I have by my side. People I was afraid of getting to know then.  Or the job I left missing the family I'd found a place in. Yet let it be known I felt incompetent and wanted to quit everything after 2 days.
If I look where I stand now, despite the past pacing, tossing and turning.
I'll be sending out prayers for peace on our troubled tums. Our doubting heads and worrisome hearts. May we have peace and know that just as those passed and we had our good times. we must never let them stop us from seizing.

Bear With
And may you never be held back by naught, including yourself from that bright future of yours.

Tari xx

Edit: When this post was published Tuesday 20th February instead because of Pacific Standard Time, well I can assure you I had one of the best first days. Truly blessed.

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